Article 6: Diaries of a Haus Frau – A Hordes day out.

Just in case I’ve not covered this in a previous blog post, I call my children “My demonic Hordes”. To me, it’s no less sarcastic and occasionally untrue as calling them “My darling little angels”. Well, to be honest, far less sarcastic and can be far more truthful. Plus, it can bring a smile to the face of some poor unsuspecting soul caught in their rampaging.

Taking my hordes out can be a trial or it can be a blessing. Quite often both, as the wind changes, depending on their mood, sugar levels and bright shiny things to distract them.

All the same, one of the most regular days out for them is a trip to the Museum and Art Gallery. In fact, when asked what they would like as a special treat or reward, it takes but a few seconds for “Go to the museum!” to be bellowed at me from close distance.

And so we go, honestly sometimes as frequently as once a month, to the South Australian Museum. The MUST SEE items will always be the Egyptian room for my little Miss nearly 5 budding archaeologist, the natural world on the 2^nd floor (as said child was going to be an entomologist but that appears to have been thwarted when it didn’t include snakes), the elasmosaurus and its eternal chase of the little squid for Miss 7 and the lift shaft wonderfully transformed to capture the imagination as well as the giant pink squid for little Master nearly 3.

Today was one of those days I decided to wrangle my hordes into the car and get us down from the hills to the city in time to beat the 9:30am early bird cut off parking times. If that wasn’t enough of an ordeal, there was then the wait outside for the museum to open; with all the other overly eager, loud and full of beans children of other families who felt it a great idea to go. Thankfully I had family with me and it worked out that we were allocated a Horde each while we waited. And, while other’s allowed their children to run through the gardens, throw sticks and rocks at each other and in general make my hordes all appear more angelic, mine sat patiently on the bench and waited. How did I manage it? Easy, get the kids to count how many pigeons are sitting on the outside of the museum. Go on, try it. I kid you not it is an amazingly good way to calm them. Except when said pigeons decide to leave or move about on the walls and they have to start again. Oh, what a shame.

I feel today’s swarm of children on the museum lawns (I honestly don’t know of a better collective noun to describe them) was due to the school holiday’s AND the “Sea the Shore: A Prehistoric encounter” taking place. Still, once inside, the museum is usually large enough to absorb us all.

Unsurprisingly, the morning show of “Sea to Shore” sold out before we got tickets, but that was fine as it meant my demonic hordes had a chance to work off their pent up energy by visiting all their favourite places. Little Miss nearly 5 took my brother on a tour of the Egyptian room, a place she is very well conversant with. Though, I still hold my ground and call them Ushabti, not Shebti as I take my dialect from a different dynasty than the one used in most of that room. No, no idea at all why one of my children would be interested in ancient Egypt.

Youngest horde (Mr almost 3) grew tired and threw a tantrum every time he was removed from the top of the lift shaft where he was dancing on the Perspex on top of the giant pink squid and singing “down down down”. So he, and my mother, were able to make an excuse and head home shortly after that.

A quick cookie break from the café and it was time to line up for the “Sea to Shore” show. Call me overly critical for a person who didn’t have to pay (as it was a gift from my brother) but I did feel the prices were a tad steep. But still, the hordes and other children had a great time. Mats set up on the floor for them, chairs up the back for the parents to escape to. What could be better?

My darling girl hordes were, of course, right up the front. And middle horde (Miss nearly 5) was of course heckling as soon as the presenter strolled out and tried to start the show. I really do feel that was why she was one of his first “special helpers”. It worked too until, even from my distant spot, you could tell she realised they weren’t real baby Minmi dinosaurs but plastic puppets. Thankfully she took it better than expected, no shouting or accusing of trickery. No, her face may have fell and the disappointment was apparent to all, but she left the front politely and went back to heckling in the front row.

Eldest horde, she got to pat a Minmi as they toured the front, but her proudest moment to me was when she stood her ground over the carnivore that came out next. Sadly, I am a terrible person and don’t remember the name of said carnivore. I also don’t want to ruin the show for others, so will just say that said proudest moment was when, while other children were running in terror screaming for their parents, my Miss 7 stood her ground, followed instructions and assumed the “duck and cover” stance with hands crossed over her head.  Awww, what a Kodak moment.

After it ended, show was classified as “Awesome”, which appears to be the modern stamp of approval, and was loudly shouted about to anyone who would listen. And most of those unfortunate enough to find them in my hordes 4 metre radius of personal space.

A brief run through the education room of the museum (the bit where they still have the bees and keep live creepy crawlies) and a lucky dip of fossils and minerals and off we went. Lunch stop at an eatery in the mall and horde wrangling back to the car and home again.

Unsurprisingly I had very tired, grumpy and over exhausted hordes by the end of the day, but all in all it had been a good day out with my hordes. It’s really all a mother can ask for.